|
|
|
|
|
|
|
7
The Paradox of Self-Control |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Some psychologists assert that one of our most powerful fears is losing control and that one of the strongest human motivations and most basic needs is to have control over our lives. Much of our thinking and behavior, they believe, is an expression of our need to gain and maintain a sense of control. We strive to feel a sense of control over our own minds, our behavior in the world, our ability to shape our environment to satisfy our needs, and to some degree, over our relations with others. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
In support of this, feeling out of control of thoughts, emotions, and/or behavior is common to the complaints presented when people seek psychotherapy. And when the issues do not center on feeling internally out of control, they are often around control issues with significant others, either as the controller or the one being controlled. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
If we define having a sense of control as "causing to influence something in the desired direction or believing one can if desired," then it isn't an exaggeration to say that at least a subtle (and often larger) aspect of control enters all human relationships. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sometimes our efforts at control are very conscious and intentional. And other times they are only barely in our awareness or not conscious at all. Whether it be in the form of friends, lovers, colleagues, boss and employee, psychotherapist and patient, parent and child, acquaintances, or even daily casual encounters with strangers, we are usually trying to influence someone in some way. |
|
|
|
|
|